Tiny Timepieces of Port Kembla
Chihuahua Glass™
Time flies. Ours also barks.
Plate I — The Flagship
Our philosophy
Small dog. Big minutes.
At Chihuahua Glass, we believe timekeeping lost something when it went digital: personality, warmth, and the faint sense that your timer might bite the postman.
So we went back to the oldest timepiece there is — the hourglass — and asked the obvious question nobody else was brave enough to ask: what if it were also a chihuahua?
The answer, it turns out, is a design icon. Every Chihuahua Glass is hand-finished, and every grain of sand is quality-checked by a dog who trusts absolutely no one. That's not a slogan. That's a temperament.
No chihuahuas were miniaturised in the making of these products. They were already like that.
No. 001 — Flagship
The Chihuahua Glass
An hourglass and a chihuahua, fully integrated. The ears are the finials. The face crowns the upper bulb. The sand is, naturally, chihuahua-tan.
Flip it and the little face turns upside down, which it hates, which is the point: no timer on Earth communicates urgency like an inverted chihuahua. Runs exactly fifteen minutes — one standard chihuahua attention span.
Per glass, per dog. Certificate of authenticity included.
Specifications
- Timing accuracy
- ±40 grains, or one indignant sneeze
- Run time
- 15 min; yappy hour runs twice as fast, twice as loud
- Frame
- Walnut, teak-stained, teeth-marked at no extra cost
- Sand
- Certified beach-grade tan, single origin
- Temperament
- Ticking with rage, silently
- Colourways
- Fawn, Cream, Midnight Menace
Plate II
Plate III — New for this season
No. 002 — Eyewear
Chihuahua Galahsses™
Spectacles with perfectly clear lenses — the timekeeping lives in the frames. Each rim is a hollow glass channel with fine sand flowing around it: chihuahua-tan on the left (ears on the rim, trust issues included), galah-rose on the right (full pink crest, zero issues, because galahs simply do not care). A jewel-sized hourglass sits at each hinge.
The result is the only pair of glasses that keeps time in your peripheral vision while leaving your actual vision alone. The chihuahua side runs slightly fast (it's anxious). The galah side runs fashionably late (it's Australian). Between them: perfect balance, or at least a perfect excuse.
Reading glasses? No. Reading-the-room glasses. And the room says you look magnificent.
Hindsight sold separately.
Specifications
- Lenses
- Optically clear — the sand runs the rims, not your view
- Left rim
- Chihuahua. Tan sand channel. Judges you gently.
- Right rim
- Galah. Rose sand channel. Rose-tinted by definition.
- Hinges
- 2 x jewel-scale hourglass, 90 seconds per tilt of the head
- Prescription
- Available in +1 Optimism and -2 Cynicism
- Warning
- Wearers report time appearing "small, loud, and pink"
Plate IV
Choose your timepiece
Side by side. Ear to crest.
| Chihuahua Glass | Chihuahua Galahsses | |
|---|---|---|
| Tells time | Yes, in 15-minute barks | Yes, in your peripheral vision, politely |
| Wearable | Please don't | Emphatically |
| Species involved | One (1) chihuahua | One chihuahua, one galah, zero apologies |
| Conversation starter | Every time | Conversations will start whether you like it or not |
| Best for | Desks, kitchens, staring contests | Faces, festivals, second dates |
Field reports
I flipped it once and it has never forgiven me. Five stars.
Wore the Galahsses to a wedding. I am now in three group chats I did not ask to join.
Yap yap yap yap yap.
As a galah, I feel seen. Through a lens. Which is me.
Don't watch the clock.
Watch the dog.
Every unit ships with a certificate of authenticity, a spare pinch of sand, and a small warning growl.
Chihuahua Glass™ and Chihuahua Galahsses™ are figments of excellent judgement.
The galah remains an independent contractor. The sand is non-refundable; it knows what it did.